Type A Diagnosis Follows Packer Loss

The Packer’s loss to the Seattle Seahawks in this week’s Sunday game has suppressed my husband Tim’s immune system so much that he had to go to the doctor, and when he came home, he informed me, “The doctor said I have type A.”

I thought, “Maybe does ‘hepatitis’ come after type A?”  Type A what?

“It’s a bug,” he said.

He has a Type A bug and it’s cause by the Packers, I guess and it’s highly contagious, so now he’s sleeping in the basement office with his head under the desk, and refuses to turn on any lights.  But when I go to bring him food or liquids, I see the bulge of his headphones beneath his #12 stocking cap, the light glow of his computer from the back, and then green and gold hues emitted from the front of his screen, reflecting onto his Vince Lombardi-style glasses.  I’m worried.  I know these are the Packer highlights he’s been purchasing online. He’s gone “hair of the dog” on me.

Tim already had a small cold at the time of kick off Sunday, so he didn’t feel like traveling back to home base in Minneapolis or going to a bar in Menomonie, Wisconsin where he landed at his mother’s house after his stand up comedy performance in the area the night before.  His mom–her name is Adrianne–decided Tim should relax, and she and Tim would view the game together in her TV room, which is cozily decorated with floral paintings that match the proper couches and antique end tables, requiring two to three layers of coasters before you can set down your tea.  This room boasts a 17″ television, the only one in the house.  For nice!

Nicer yet, sweet Adrianne thought she should try to make this play off game special for Tim.  After all, she is a very thoughtful, polite, and conversational church secretary, not just a mom, but a real funster.  Because she takes great interest in supporting her son’s interests, she went ahead and invited her friends Rachel and Betty over–to make the game even more fun.  Rachel and Betty, also in their 70’s, know nothing about football, but were gracious enough to ask Tim lots of questions about it during this amazingly heated game that went into overtime!  They even provided commentary that had nothing to do with football, in case Tim might get bored watching this particular game that decided who would go to Super Bowl XLIX.  Well, it was definitely TOO MUCH FUN for Tim.  Feeling his energies depleted after the rap session and chatter party, with no beer available to replenish his electrolytes, Tim had to rest up an extra day at his child hood home, and hide under his Green Bay Packer comforter with his feet hanging out the bottom, because it’s a child’s comforter from when he was a smaller Packer fan–a child fanatic.  He had to hide under there to rebuild his strength, but this loss was so excruciating and the company was so wild that his Pride had been zapped beyond repair, and so the next day, he looked into the Favorite Team Loses clause on his insurance policy, went in to see the professional, and came back to our house in Minneapolis with an air mask on, and a severe diagnosis of Type A, and headed straight to the basement claiming people shouldn’t be around him.  Then he sent me a text message up to the first floor of our house, where I was working and per his requests, I wound up going to the drugstore to pick him up some sinus spray, and some Gatorade.  He’s so out of it, and it’s so dark down there, he might be squirting the Gatorade (It’s a sports bottle.) up his nose and the nasal spray into his mouth, but it’s nothing next fall and some interim highlights can’t mend.

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